NETWORKS















Secrets

Secrets

home    message    second blog    listen    writing    Self    Diary    need help?    Faq    archive    theme
©
my name is the same as a type of flower and i write and take pictures and go on long walks and drink coffee and want to live in the city but also live at the beach and im at that point in life where i should know where im headed but don't

i am fucking done

its coming back and i can feel it. i can literally feel it seep right through my skin and come back and i hate it i hate every second of it i didn’t fucking ask for this whhy the fuck is this happening all i did was love you what am i saying this isn’t over you this is over nothing yup nothing i have anxiety over nothing and i dont know why or how but i do and its taken over its completely taking over i can’t do anything about it i want someone to say its gunna be okay why the fuck do i need someone to say it’ll be okay why the fuck can i not be okay on my own why do i need someone else’s validation why the fuck can’t i just be okay on my own i dont know why but i can’t I’m not okay on my own I’m never okay on my own i need someone i need love and to feel safe and i dont have that right now and i don think the anxiety is because of this its not because i want love this anxiety is because of nothing its because I’m so fucked up because I’ve spent so long being sad this is the world asking me is this really what you fucking want to do with your life because this is what you’re doing and i know its what I’m doing I’m literally deteriorating myself mentally and physical and its not what i want fuck this this isn’t what i want what i want is to be happy why the fuck can’t i be happy I’ve tried so hard I’ve done everything I’ve used all the tricks i wake up every goddamned morning and i say today will be a good day and i try to be positive i smile i dress well i dont let myself slack but its never enough nothing i ever do is enough i am not enough i just fucking wanted to be happy thats all i fucking wanted i dont care anymore trying to be happy is over its done with I’m done with that the journey to happiness ends here I’m ending it